Skip to main content

For My 36th Birthday


I am fine.  

Actually fine, content, in my current state. It is not a lie I am telling myself or a thought that I am repeating so that it will become true. 

It is the actual truth. 

For the first time since I can remember I have taken all the pressure I put on myself for my birthday (and on myself daily for that matter) to be perfect. I have been down this road before, when as any December baby knows, no one can come out because of holiday plans, low funds, or there is a blizzard. We wait all year for our birthdays and when you make such efforts throughout the year for all of your loved ones special days you would like to see the love returned. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. 




Instead of being disappointed about plans that did or didn’t pan out, friends who you didn’t hear from, or wishes that didn’t come true, I have decided to let it all go. There is no such thing as a perfect day when you are expecting it to be so. I have decided that whatever came my way was what was meant to be. After all the point of a birthday is to celebrate one’s existence and I am great as doing that each and every day.


As I made the transition from thirty-five to thirty-six I had the good fortune to spend the year doing what I love full-time. I no longer had to spend the day at a soul crushing place where I had been for the past eleven years. Now my days are full of writing, traveling, and creating an empire. 





When you are living the life you imagine on a daily basis you no longer need any one perfect day because even on your worst days they are still the stuff that dreams are made of. Though I am still at the beginning of the next part of my journey I am grateful for every single day of it. I sacrificed and worked hard to get here and the next phase will take even more of both to get where I belong. But that is the good news. The one person solely responsible for my happiness is me. 


Sure there are things I still long for in my life that I have yet to experience. All I can do is focus on the elements that I can control and work my hardest towards my goals. I am just another year closer to it all.

In the meantime I had a birthday full of love and family, just as my very wise and special little cousin hoped for me. Those who took the time out to remember me, wish me well, and share my day with me, are the people I treasure most in this world. 


The older I get the less emotional availability I have for those who don’t deserve it. I have learned not to waste energy being disappointed. I have also learned that I will not lessen the compassion I have within myself or what I give of myself, depending on whether or not someone has earned it. For this only is a tribute to the kind of person I am.   


I will not close parts of myself off to justify those who are unworthy. That would only make me like them and I am capable of so much more.

I suppose the honest truth is that my life is far from perfect. I am still working daily to love myself unconditionally. I strive to fulfill my complete potential. I want to be present in all moments aware of how fleeting they are.

As of this past Sunday I am one year old older, bolder, and stronger. 

I’m thirty-six. Ain’t nothing to fix!!

For Previous Birthday Blogs:















Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

For Find Out Friday - Why Do Emery Boards Make My Skin Crawl?

You know that sound a fingernail makes when it scratches against a chalkboard?  You know that feeling the sound of that action gives you? I, like most people, hate that sound.  I instantly feel like scrunching my shoulders up to my neck and closing my eyes.  I feel the exact same way when I am using an emery board to file my nails. This annoying sensation has a name: “grima” which is Spanish for disgust or uneasiness. This term basically describes any feeling of being displeased, annoyed, or dissatisfied someone or something.  It is a feeling that psychologists are starting to pay more attention to as it relates to our other emotions.  Emery boards are traditionally made with cardboard that has small grains of sand adhered to them. It is the sandpaper that I believe makes me filled with grima.  According to studies that are being done around the world, it is not just the feeling that we associate with certain things like nails on a chalkboard or by using emery boards
Post a Comment
Read more

For My Madness During Migraine Awareness Month

Last weekend as I sat staring at the blank page in front of me, I was still surprised and elated that I had an entire day to myself and unlike past experiences it was filled with what I wanted when I wanted it. There were a few rough moments but when I consider the previous twelve hours (and the days to come) have been better than the last week. Especially this last week even though I had braced myself ahead of time, I just didn’t know I should have braced for a more serious episode. I am a chronic migraine sufferer for so many years I don’t quite remember when they started exactly which is ironic because I can remember every special event they have ruined. I remember plays or dinners I was at where I don’t remember what happened but I could tell you what I felt minute by minute. It amazing how the mind works, especially when it’s operated by a migraine brain. In the last few years, specifically the last few years since I have been going to the Montefiore Headac
10 comments
Read more

For a New Chain of Mexican Fast Food: “Dos Toros Taqueria”

When it comes to fast food there are the names we are familiar with: McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Chipotle.  In you live in New York City, there is a new kid in town: Dos Toros.  Dos Toros is relatively new to this area but with any hope there might be one in your town soon.  Started by two brothers, Leo and Oliver Kremer, from Berkeley, California, the Mexican food you find here is inspired by food they loved growing up.  In California, the brothers grew up worshipping Gordo Taqueria, a favorite of Bay Area residents since 1977 (now promptly added to my San Francisco to eat list). Much of the recipes and even decor found at Dos Toros has been modeled on Gordo. Before moving to NYC in 2008, the brothers were living very different lives. Leo was the bassist for the band “Third Eye Blind”. Oliver fresh out of college, considered working in the technology or finance industry. Both disillusioned with their lives, they decided to pursue something they have l
Post a Comment
Read more