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For the Chance to Get My Hands Around “Artichoke Basille’s Pizza”

This is why I always have to try things myself. I rarely concur with any public sentiments be it movies, television shows, plays, or music. The subject of food is the strongest case of my argument. I do not care what is trendy but what is popular and why. Chief’s names are meaningless if you do not have a favorite. Then they are just letters on a page. But recipes that create the dishes you will crave your entire life make the chief an extended part of your family. Family, friends, and food are the three Fs that make life fun. Well I guess that is technically four Fs.

Artichoke Basille Pizza is the latest causality to succumb to one of my reviews.

I have been hearing about this place and how simply amazing it is. For some reason I thought it was started in Queens but I was wrong. It all begun in Manhattan but since then has established itself in many other places like Queens. Maybe I am a part psychic.

The good part about being one of the last ones to jump aboard this ship is that they expanded so much one landed in my backyard. Yet still my timing was not working out. In order to get my hands on one of these prized slices I had to double park, snap a few pictures, and get a slice of what else, artichoke pizza to go. I was full as I was on my way home from Vinnie’s ( so I figured this would be my dinner. While I was in there I also bought a rice ball. They are a pizzeria staple that I couldn’t pass up. These beauties looked too yummy and bigger than normal size. After all I wanted my review to be all encompassing. 

It turned out to be a good thing that I hadn’t planned to stay and eat there because there were about four bar stools and like a two seater table in the front that was completely full. I don’t know if that is the typical layout of if the one I was visiting, the one near the Barclay Center, was different. I was shocked it was so nicely designed but not for patrons. I suppose this is mostly a takeout joint although with the size of their slices you are going to need two hands to carry it home. Seriously I almost lost my shit, as the box opened as I was reaching for the door. That would have been tragic.

When I was finally good and hungry the next day I was all too excited to heat up my food. I went for the rice ball first. For those who don’t know rice ball is a fried little ball of heaven. There is of course rice, can be white or yellow, with cheese. Some places put peas or prosciutto in them. There are also ones that have chopped meat in them. But for me the best ones come from Lenny and John’s, a pizzeria nearby, where they are full of white rice and mozzarella cheese and are small enough that you can eat way more than you think you did. “Once you pop you can’t stop”.

Anyways I heated up my rice ball and dug in not knowing what was inside. I have to say I have never spit out a piece of rice and cheese so fast in my life. There were a ton of onions in the middle that gave off a sweetish taste. I was confused. I went back in for another bite, after removing the onions, and still it was not fantastic. I put some of their marinara sauce on, which I don’t usually do, but I thought maybe it would help. No such luck. I sort of ate around the outside and called it quits.

I have never met a carb with cheese that I didn’t like. But on this day I would strike out two for two.

I heated the pizza up in the oven thinking this would keep the crust crunchy and make sure the entire thing was warm all the way through. Well that mission was accomplished. It smelled good kind of like the spinach and artichoke dip you can find in restaurants. Maybe that’s where I got my hopes up.

When I bit down into my first piece I was actually impressed. It was so good, too good to be true. It was like butter and I mean that literally. It was a huge slice of butter and artichoke. I didn’t even taste the cheese. For a couple of bites that was fine but then I hit a wall. It was way TOO rich for me. I cut it up thinking I could just take some small bites but my body decided that wouldn’t work either. With more than half of it remaining that too went in the trash. I was horrified. But as it started to cool I could see the grease I tasted and that turned my stomach all by itself. There are no more words.

Actually it made me think of Paula Deen. Not because of the butter but because when I was in Savannah ( I went to her restaurant and made the mistake of ordering wrong. I got the chicken potpie and had a virtually identical experience. After two bites of the best thing you ever tasted it becomes like a big slimy glob you can’t bear to touch.

I was so glad I just picked it up and didn’t dedicate more time for this. Now I realize that I went from Vinnie’s Pizza to Artichoke Pizza, it was a day of extremes. From leaving the former high on life to despair throwing out pizza for the very first time and living not to regret it. That speaks volumes. The only part that was satisfying was getting to cross it off my list and looking at the hot guy behind the counter that rang me up.

My final pizza journeys from my 2015/2016 To Do List ( will bring me back to Manhattan for Marta and Emmett’s. My final Brooklyn haunt will take place at Best Pizza. With a name like that I have to see if it holds up.

The only pizza place I will not have visited on from my list is Prova Pizza. Sadly I recently found out that it has closed down before I could get there.

I know I have hit up enough pizza places to last a lifetime so one won’t make or break me. However, spoiler alert, I might have one or three on my updated to do list coming out next month.

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