In a few short months I will be saying good-bye to my thirty-fourth year. I will turn thirty-five (God willing) EXACTLY four months from today. That sounds both like a long and short time to me. I don’t know how I feel about turning thirty-five. I have had a really great time being thirty-four and if given the choice I would probably be content to freeze this moment and remain this age always. But since that is not an option I am going to have to figure out what I want out of these remaining months in order to be the best version of myself when the big 3 5 comes a knocking.
If we are starting at the beginning, as one should, I would have to begin with December 2015, that is where my real shift began. Something had come over me. On New Year’s Eve 2014 before the clock struck twelve and it began 2015, I was hoping that New Year would become “my” year. Yet even as I said it to myself I knew that wasn’t going to become my reality. I don’t know why I just didn’t feel it in my gut and my gut is ALWAYS right when I truly listen to it. Goal number one is making sure that’s the only “voice” I ever listen to.
After a so-so year during the middle of 2015 it was December that really was the first clue things were changing. For starters the weather wasn’t typical NYC weather. It was like seventy degrees on my birthday and one week later we were sweating while trying to eat Christmas Eve dinner. That night I slept with my AC on while those who couldn’t were jealous. My migraine brain was happy to avoid most of the winter weather pressures that plague me every year. Right there I had an extra kick in my step because I didn’t have to focus on taking care of my head as much. I felt good, practically human. But it wasn’t just the weather. It helped of course. But change was in the air, literally and figuratively.
Earlier that month I went on a private journey. It consisted of a place I love, people I love, and celebration of my health, health that I hadn’t had in a very long time. In fact it had been years since I was able to function that way for so long. I reflected on the times where my health had short changed my experiences and all hope I had for my future. To be able to make peace with that past while acknowledging and revel in the positive changes I saw everywhere left my spirit soaring towards the sky.
From that moment on I seemed to be unstoppable hence I was able to write the following in my 2016 blog (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2015/12/for-2016_31.html):
“As the dawn of 2016 approaches I am waving good bye and thank you to 2015 for at this moment I am happy, healthy, and hopeful. That is a surreal silver lining for sure.”
I was at a total Place of Yes (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-directions-to-place-of-yes.html). It was a magical feeling. I still feel it no matter what happens in my day. Whenever I am stressed or frustrated I just have to flick through a few images of the recent events in my life this year and peace and happiness are restored in my soul. Living any part of the life I imagine is a blessing so I need to be present in every moment.
Normally I am not one to focus on age. I didn’t freak out when I turned thirty because I wasn’t married with two kids, a dog, living in a house surrounded by a picket fence. But if I am being honest thirty-five is the first time I have ever winced at a birthday. The real number I am dreading is forty but only if I am still so far away from where I want to be in life. That being said life isn’t ever at a standstill. If we are doing it right we are always in motion taking steps forward growing and raising those who will responsibly contribute to society.
So now that I realize I need to be at a certain point when I am forty, I am backtracking to see the steps I have to take from now to get there. I am beginning with the steps I want to take in these next four months. I don’t want to put any undue pressure on myself just have a guide to live by taking one day at a time. Forty just sounds so grown up. When that day comes I can’t imagine what it will feel like. Thankfully that is not something I need to worry about today.
In terms of my profession I am working to create a website for my brand that will include my blog and other ideas I have floating around in my head. There are some topics I haven’t yet broached so I have to schedule those into the mix. I want to be sure I am living and writing authentically. I want to make sure that I continually put myself first while pushing myself forward. I want to see some new places and faces before December. I want my life to be an adventure when I travel and when I am at home. I want to make some head way on my to do list (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2016/04/for-year-6-20162017-to-do-list_19.html) enjoying new places in my familiar stopping grounds.
Lastly I need to find an appropriate way to celebrate because my birthday is FINALLY on a Saturday! This is too exciting. My twenty-first birthday was on a Tuesday during finals week, of course I still went out but I would have liked it better if I didn’t have to go to take a test in the clothes I partied in. My thirtieth birthday sucked too. I mean I had a great French dinner party at Artisanal Bistro but the after hours outing was like a runaway train. I couldn’t drink back then which didn’t help matters. This year I contemplated going on vacation by myself but I will mostly likely stay in town. My dream now is a great steak dinner at Harry’s NYC with a very large dirty martini followed by a karaoke excursion. Drinking and singing sounds like the best coupling since salt and pepper. Or, Salt-N-Pepa, as they too are “Very Necessary”.
One month from today I will be attending The New York Coffee Festival for the very first time. I am super excited. I think I should make this a tradition, for the next few months I will plan to do something special on the seventeenth until the big day is here. It’s a way to honor where I am as I get to where I am going. Plus who doesn’t like a day just for themselves? I will have to start brainstorming for ideas for October and November. Fall will be here before we know it.
Thinking about my birthday, I really feel like seventeen is my number, a lucky number. I am looking 2017 in the eye and am completely ready for whatever comes my way. I know that my destiny is just that much closer.
I am pleased to have nothing but “Champagne Problems”.
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