In a few
short months I will be saying good-bye to my thirty-fourth year. I will turn
thirty-five (God willing) EXACTLY four months from today. That sounds both like
a long and short time to me. I don’t know how I feel about turning thirty-five.
I have had a really great time being thirty-four and if given the choice I
would probably be content to freeze this moment and remain this age always. But
since that is not an option I am going to have to figure out what I want out of
these remaining months in order to be the best version of myself when the big 3
5 comes a knocking.
If we are
starting at the beginning, as one should, I would have to begin with December
2015, that is where my real shift began. Something had come over me. On New
Year’s Eve 2014 before the clock struck twelve and it began 2015, I was hoping
that New Year would become “my” year. Yet even as I said it to myself I knew
that wasn’t going to become my reality. I don’t know why I just didn’t feel it
in my gut and my gut is ALWAYS right when I truly listen to it. Goal number one
is making sure that’s the only “voice” I ever listen to.
After a
so-so year during the middle of 2015 it was December that really was the first
clue things were changing. For starters the weather wasn’t typical NYC weather.
It was like seventy degrees on my birthday and one week later we were sweating
while trying to eat Christmas Eve dinner. That night I slept with my AC on
while those who couldn’t were jealous. My migraine brain was happy to avoid
most of the winter weather pressures that plague me every year. Right there I
had an extra kick in my step because I didn’t have to focus on taking care of
my head as much. I felt good, practically human. But it wasn’t just the
weather. It helped of course. But change was in the air, literally and
figuratively.
Earlier
that month I went on a private journey. It consisted of a place I love, people
I love, and celebration of my health, health that I hadn’t had in a very long
time. In fact it had been years since I was able to function that way for so
long. I reflected on the times where my health had short changed my experiences
and all hope I had for my future. To be able to make peace with that past while
acknowledging and revel in the positive changes I saw everywhere left my spirit
soaring towards the sky.
From that
moment on I seemed to be unstoppable hence I was able to write the following in
my 2016 blog (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2015/12/for-2016_31.html):
“As the
dawn of 2016 approaches I am waving good bye and thank you to 2015 for at this
moment I am happy, healthy, and hopeful. That is a surreal silver lining for
sure.”
I was at
a total Place of Yes (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-directions-to-place-of-yes.html).
It was a magical feeling. I still feel it no matter what happens in my day.
Whenever I am stressed or frustrated I just have to flick through a few images
of the recent events in my life this year and peace and happiness are restored
in my soul. Living any part of the life I imagine is a blessing so I need to be
present in every moment.
Normally
I am not one to focus on age. I didn’t freak out when I turned thirty because I
wasn’t married with two kids, a dog, living in a house surrounded by a picket
fence. But if I am being honest thirty-five is the first time I have ever
winced at a birthday. The real number I am dreading is forty but only if I am
still so far away from where I want to be in life. That being said life isn’t
ever at a standstill. If we are doing it right we are always in motion taking
steps forward growing and raising those who will responsibly contribute to
society.
So now
that I realize I need to be at a certain point when I am forty, I am
backtracking to see the steps I have to take from now to get there. I am
beginning with the steps I want to take in these next four months. I don’t want
to put any undue pressure on myself just have a guide to live by taking one day
at a time. Forty just sounds so grown up. When that day comes I can’t imagine
what it will feel like. Thankfully that is not something I need to worry about
today.
In terms
of my profession I am working to create a website for my brand that will
include my blog and other ideas I have floating around in my head. There are
some topics I haven’t yet broached so I have to schedule those into the mix. I
want to be sure I am living and writing authentically. I want to make sure that
I continually put myself first while pushing myself forward. I want to see some
new places and faces before December. I want my life to be an adventure when I
travel and when I am at home. I want to make some head way on my to do list (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2016/04/for-year-6-20162017-to-do-list_19.html)
enjoying new places in my familiar stopping grounds.
Lastly I
need to find an appropriate way to celebrate because my birthday is FINALLY on
a Saturday! This is too exciting. My twenty-first birthday was on a Tuesday
during finals week, of course I still went out but I would have liked it better
if I didn’t have to go to take a test in the clothes I partied in. My thirtieth
birthday sucked too. I mean I had a great French dinner party at Artisanal
Bistro but the after hours outing was like a runaway train. I couldn’t drink
back then which didn’t help matters. This year I contemplated going on vacation
by myself but I will mostly likely stay in town. My dream now is a great steak
dinner at Harry’s NYC with a very large dirty martini followed by a karaoke
excursion. Drinking and singing sounds like the best coupling since salt and
pepper. Or, Salt-N-Pepa, as they too are “Very Necessary”.
One month
from today I will be attending The New York Coffee Festival for the very first
time. I am super excited. I think I should make this a tradition, for the next
few months I will plan to do something special on the seventeenth until the big
day is here. It’s a way to honor
where I am as I get to where I am going. Plus who doesn’t like a day just for
themselves? I will have to start brainstorming for ideas for October and
November. Fall will be here before we know it.
Thinking
about my birthday, I really feel like seventeen is my number, a lucky number. I
am looking 2017 in the eye and am completely ready for whatever comes my way. I
know that my destiny is just that much closer.
I am
pleased to have nothing but “Champagne Problems”.
For More
About My Thirty-Fourth Birthday:
http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2015/12/for-dinner-on-my-34th-birthday-javelina.html
For More
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