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For This Election

“I'm just a girl in the world. That's all that you'll let me be!”

Gwen Stefani belted out these powerful lyrics back in 1995 for the song “Just a Girl” on No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom album.

Turns out nothing has changed since then.

While the world has been sending out their thoughts, fears, and feelings about Election Day 2016 I have mostly remained silent. Sure there were a few tweets that needed to be shared but other than that I let the New York Times daily editions build up on my dining room table for over a week before I felt brave enough to look. I saved countless articles and videos book marked on my laptop.

Even now I feel weak just thinking about the topic but I know myself. In order to move forward I have to put my thoughts on paper, it has just taken me some time to formulate them in my mind. I hardly know where to begin or to end but whatever comes will have to suffice. The topic is far too personal for me to remain silent, especially within my own head.

What you have to understand about me before I say anything else is that politics is who I am. It is my passion. It is a HUGE part of my soul and always has been. I went to graduate school specifically to study political science and by that time I had been a fan since at least junior high. I was thrilled participating in model U.N. and mock trials. Politics was more than a hobby. It is a part of the core of who I am. I cannot imagine my life without it. My ring tone is Hail to the Chief for Christ sakes.

But now a lot has changed. My love for it hasn’t gone just diminished and needs time to rebuild itself once again. I need to believe that there is hope for our future and honestly I have absolutely no idea how that will ever happen.

All I know is what I feel and I feel violated. I feel betrayed. I feel like my life has been a lie. And that is just the beginning.

I have heard a lot this past week from people who say they aren’t “into” politics. Does that mean you do not have a care in the world what happens to you, your family, and your future generations? I know people that have used this as the rationale for not voting as well as others who say they simply don’t care who wins.

Both views are amiss.

No matter what you believe politics effect every single decision you are able to make each day. It affects how your family can deal with financial, health, or housing crisis. It affects where you live, where you work, IF you can marry, and how you will raise your children. When problems come about you do not stay in an insulated bubble. You contact someone for help and who those people are as well as what services they are ultimately able to offer you, is a direct link to politics whether you want to admit that or not.

To those non-voters I would like to also add, are you aware that you are denouncing the precious right to vote that millions around the world die for every day?

If you are a woman and a non-voter you are spitting in the face of the suffragettes some who died before ever seeing the nineteenth amendment signed. To that point, I loved reading that many women after voting, for Hillary Clinton I suspect, left their “I Voted” stickers on Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony’s graves.

When I began to comb through the emails I had been avoiding my heart sunk when I found one with a subject that read “buy after Election Day”. Needless to say those items are no longer necessary.

As the world mourns what was and what will be everything I have read says we (Democrats) should go on fighting for justice and freedoms we value even harder. See here is the thing- the fight in me is gone. I know Hillary Clinton; I have a past relationship with her ( from working in her Senate office. I know the kind of person she is and how exceptionally smart she is. I wonder how she had the strength to keep on fighting her whole life for us in the public sphere. I felt degraded just thinking about how much she has served her country and how in return she was made to beg like a dog to be president losing twice especially this last time to a corrupt reality star.

This is only painfully more realized when who consider all of the idiots (Bernie Sanders aside) that were running from the beginning. She was always more qualified, even back in 2008 over Barack Obama and I was happy to finally hear him utter those words. Yet our nation kept their close-mindedness on anything but this crucial fact.

I don’t care what your reasons are for not liking her because I know they are all based on lies and are bullshit. She stayed with her cheating husband. What do you care? If you aren’t fucking him than you don’t get a say-so and if you had a brain you wouldn’t use a vote for personal matters that do not directly involve you.

So what she used a private email server as Secretary of State? They were released and showed no sort of criminal behavior no matter how many times that douche bag F.B.I. director James Comey decided to use them to throw her under the bus.

Secretary Clinton has never been charged with sexual misconduct, doesn’t speak about men and mention dick grabbing, and no in case you are thinking it, she didn’t get anyone killed in Benghazi. Maybe you need to get your political facts from a better source than the headlines on AOL.

Hillary Clinton has a rare ability to maintain her cool no matter the situation and truly cares about the causes she fights for. Those too young to remember will have to look up the history of healthcare in this country for it was, Secretary Clinton who fought a good fight back in the 1990s trying to aid this country. But of course she didn’t manage to win that battle either. I wonder why.

I refuse to use the name of our future President in this post but I have to wonder what it is that everyone is most excited about. Perhaps it’s the fact that the KKK, which I can’t even believe is still a thing, not only endorsed him but also threw him an honest to God parade in Los Angeles when he won. If you voted for this person and knew this you are despicable. If you didn’t you are just uneducated. At this point in time and technology I wonder which is worse.

Emma Gray wrote on Huffington Post:

“My heart breaks for Hillary Clinton and every woman like her, women who have fought for decades for dreams they thought were possible, only to have them gutted by an unqualified hateful man.”

My heart breaks for the rest of us who will be silenced now that HER voice was.

Most of my tears have dried up but my rage remains. I don’t know what it means to be an American anymore, especially outside of New York and California. This election wasn’t a difference of ideologies; it was a battle for morality and humanity and it wasn’t just lost. It was given away.

If you are not or do not have a loved one who is a woman, not of Caucasian decent, is gay, bisexual, or transgender than perhaps you did vote for yourself. It just happens to screw the rest of us.

Many people are frightened of change, progress, and what they do not understand. That is not an excuse to allow cruelty or deny equal rights.

I don’t care if you can’t relate we are all human and if you can sit and approve acts of violence and terrorism within your own country than you should no longer be counted as part of the human species. Even worse if you do not view yourself this way but voted for him guess what? You are a racist with a discriminatory soul. Maybe you should join the KKK. There is no difference between you two.

I also find it interesting that many people voted against their own interests. If you need healthcare and have a preexisting condition like young cancer patients, those of us that suffer from chronic illnesses like diabetes and migraines, are disabled, or work for a private company that does not want to offer it, best of luck to you. That goes double for our veterans, transplant patients, Medicaid and Medicare. But maybe you are lucky and you don’t have to worry about that. Maybe you are a married while male with impeccable health. I hope so because if not your own vote just screwed your future.

If you are a woman, like me who values your reproductive rights I am sorry we have to even worry about what we will and won’t be able to control in our own lives and more importantly bodies. I would also like to believe that if my life was in danger I could have the medical procedures needed to save it.

A woman who does not believe in abortion should still vote pro-choice. The reason is simple. No one is putting a gun to your head making you have an abortion, it means that I get to say what happens within my body, not some man in government who by the way can afford healthcare anywhere in the world, even those countries where all of his wives are from although I suppose it is not likely he would return there for anything.

This is the same man who will now get to select Supreme Court Justices who are appointed for life! He is backed by a Republican Congress, which will no doubt add more fuel to his fire.

In a world where the glass ceiling remains women like me feel like sitting down in this glass cage. How many times can you bang your head against something without it cracking? When does it become clear that the only things cracking down are our values? When we tell our kids they can be anything they dream of, is that even true? I wonder.

Ironically the only people who seem willing to apologize for this election are those of us who have done nothing wrong.

This is an excerpt from the letter Aaron Sorkin wrote to his daughters:

“The battle isn’t over, it’s just begun. Grandpa fought in World War II and when he came home this country handed him an opportunity to make a great life for his family. I will not hand his granddaughter a country shaped by hateful and stupid men. Your tears last night woke me up, and I’ll never go to sleep on you again.”

Right now I am not comforted by the notion that history will show Hillary Clinton supporters as being on the right side. When we read about civil rights issues does it matter that some people were against segregation yet continued to live amongst it? I am already embarrassed and ashamed. I wonder how much of our progress will be reversed and how much longer we will have to wait for all of the rights and freedoms we should already be experiencing.

A few weeks ago I found myself standing mere feet away from the carriage that led Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s coffin from his home to his church. I saw the white cross-made of flowers that was placed on top. The tears flowed faster than I could process the image.

When I think of the life of Matthew Shepard, who was brutally beaten to death simply for his crime of being gay and encountering pure evil in a bar in Wyoming, I weep. I weep for his family, I weep for his friends, and I weep for those who do not have any pride ( within themselves.

How anyone can condone these acts? Well your future President does, he has said as much.

It suddenly occurred to me in the shower the other morning that I had planned a visit to the White House for early spring. I have wanted a tour for as long as I remember. With that thought I burst into tears. This site is my holy grail and now that man who is full of hate will be there. His proximity to the Lincoln bedroom is a thought that stops my breathing cold. I cannot possibly go there now….. I am haunted thinking if ever. How long will his taint last?

The devastation goes on and on. I have yet to reach rock bottom.

I am comforted by the words of Joe Scarborough “Hillary Clinton has more perseverance than any politician in my lifetime. She doesn't need to hold office to be an example for my daughter.”

As part of my healing I know that this day was still special even if not for the reason it should have been. I saved the cork from the bottle of wine I opened that night and hard as it was, the papers from that day and the next. It was a pivotal point in history I am sorry I had to witness.

All that is left for me to do now is where this shirt with pride.

And purchase this one anyways because I still believe it’s true.

I didn’t want Hillary to win because she was A woman. I wanted her to win because of the woman she is. I planned on putting the photo of her and I in my future daughter’s room telling her with pride that I worked for the first woman to ever become president. Now I plan to tell her that I worked for the woman who SHOULD have become the first Madam President.

No matter what #I’mStillWithHer.

I am only sorry by the time you are, it will be too late.

For This Election…….this is what it has meant to me.

For the Most Important Election Related Media:


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