I feel like crap. I
have for days. I have a minor migraine but more so I feel like passing out. I
have no appetite, which is partially contributing to that passing out feeling.
I don’t feel like I am in my body or more poignantly in my head. That is an
extra crappy feeling while I try to function in the real world all day. To boot
I am also suffering from a little known migraine system- congested sinuses. As
the pain in my head starts to ease my noise begins pouring out for hours on
end. Until it clears I feel like I have a terrible cold and additional
cloudiness in my already troubled head.
I have accepted I will
feel like this as I drag myself around all day long until I can finally
collapse in my bed tonight. I would like to assure you I will feel different in
the morning but there are no promises in the world of chronic migraine disease.
Don’t worry I won’t. I know from experience that it will eventually go away it
is just all this dang time in the meantime that I’m wallowing in.
The point I seek to
make here is that despite this frustrating and sickening feeling, I am happy. I
am grateful. I know this condition will not last and it is certainly not the
hardest experience I’ve had living with my illness. It is not even the worst it
has made me feel this year and for that I am more grateful than I can express.
All it takes is a
glimpse of my 2016 Walgreens albums online to remind myself I am more lucky
than even I remember on a daily basis.
Off the top of my
head, cloudy and all, I am most grateful not for my health but for that of my
immediate family, my parents and my brother. That I will get to spend the
holidays amongst them is a great blessing.
The fact that we have
a home to share, while during trying times may not seem like it, is most
definitely a blessing. No matter what may come we always have food to full our
bellies. We have memories to make us laugh, to show how far we have come, and
dreams for our futures together.
As I mentioned before
I have been in relative good health. That has made 2016 an exceptional year for
me and I don’t just mean for big reasons though there are those too. But I will
start with the small. I can now sit down on the floor and play with my niece
and nephews and am able to get up without a problem. I can get up and off the
bus I take for my daily commute with a hop, skip, and a jump. It is
embarrassing but true to say that I haven’t been able to do that without fear
for some years.
In moderate progress I
now have the ability to feel cold. I no longer have the malaria sweats but
rather a light coat of glistening sweat when I irrationally feel heat that no
one else does. I am able to take hot showers.
In bigger news I have
left the country on my own dream solo trip and it was perfection. It was the
kind of dream I’ve had for so many years while I lay crippled with pain in bed
as I cried myself to sleep, that I never really thought would be possible.
Lastly but not
unrelated I am off most of the poisonous drugs that caused all of those side
effects, which is a really nice way of putting it, allowing myself to be myself
again. On a good day I feel more alive simply because I am naturally high on
life no matter what kind of a day I am having.
In other magnificent
news I was able to meet and play with my little peanut who is every bit as
precious as I knew he would be. I was there when his parents and family found
out he would be getting a little brother in the spring. A thrill like no other!
These are my own
personal achievements but also the things I count as my blessings. They are the
moments I am grateful for because they are the moments I prayed for and despite
the days that I feel crappy I know I am one of the lucky ones. I know this
today and I will know this tomorrow just as I knew it yesterday. It has almost
nothing to do with Thanksgiving except that it is just as good as excuse as any
to remind myself and others that what we give thanks for doesn’t have to be big
or small, it just has to be true. For me, these are my truths this year.
With the turmoil of the recent
presidential election many families are having trouble putting the issues
behind them in order to celebrate together. I understand of course because the
issues this year are more important than ever. They concern our basic human
rights and I for one cannot put that aside no matter how grateful I am.
An article on Huffington Post had
this very smart approach to the holiday:
“So how do we generate a sense of
gratitude when legitimate concerns over the future, well-being or safety
persist? The trick… is to catch yourself in a negative thought and redirect
it.”
How is this for redirection? If
you cannot think of anyone or anything you have to be grateful for, simply be
thankful that you are not a turkey.
President Obama said it best:
“Tomorrow
is one of the best days of the year to be an American. It’s a day to count our
blessings, spend time with the ones we love, and enjoy some good food and some
great company. But it’s also one of the worst days of the year to be a turkey.
They don’t have it so good.”
This year’s turkeys are Tater and
Tot I kid you not. Previous winners had names like Honest and Abe or Mac and
Cheese. But I think Caramel or Popcorn might be my favorite. I think the online
voting to see which turkey is granted the pardon was a bit much. Thankfully the
Obama girls put an end to this in 2009 when they asked their father to pardon
both turkeys, ridiculous names or not.
The very first turkey was pardoned
in 1947 by President Harry Truman, the thirty-third President of the United
States. However, the first President to do so on record (proved with photos and
a news report) was President Ronald Reagan in 1987 who sent the turkey to live
out his years in a zoo. That bird’s name was Charlie, how boring.
The first George Bush, that is
George H.W. Bush, made pardoning a turkey part of the annual celebration of
Thanksgiving at the White House.
If you are super interested in
this topic the Wikipedia link below has the full history of the infamous
turkeys and their pardoners.
I hear for a period of time after
2005 pardoned turkeys were sent to Walt Disney World. See now I feel like
complaining that turkeys are having a better day than me but I know better, so
I am trying to do better as per Maya Angelou.
So there is a little extra pre
Find Out Friday information for you.
In conclusion I want to be sure to
give thanks for this blog, which I believe, saved my soul. Thank you to the
superpower that brings the words forth through my fingers even when my brain is
on autopilot. It has taught me that my purpose in life is writing and I hope my
passion for it shows.
A very special thank you to my
readers, for without you there is no me.
For More Information:
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/16/us/political-divide-splits-relationships-and-thanksgiving-too.html
For My Past Thanksgiving
Reflections:
I am thankful you are feeling better (which has been a long road) and hopeful you will continue to be pain free one day. xoxo
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