Tomorrow my blog turns four years old. Wow what a difference a day makes and what a year 2015 has been so far. I braced myself as 2015 broached us so that when it was finally here I was ready mind, body, and soul. I made it clear in my mind what I want for my future and what I intend to do this year to make my dreams come true. I am tired of waiting, making excuses, and preparing for life just in case it goes another way. I know better and the only way to achieve different results is to do something different. That difference has already begun.
I am so sure of my place in this world now. Growing up I had so many interests and conflicting ideas as to what my life should be. I found it so hard to settle down with one topic. I loved, and still do, the law, politics, sociology, photography, party planning, travel, and of course writing. For some reason I couldn’t choose between the last four. Even so I spent a lot of time thinking I had to do just one thing. I wonder why I thought that? I have a long life to live and there is plenty of time for it all.
Besides it is crystal clear to me now what my one true love has always been, its obvious- writing. The travel and the photography are just a means for me to have something to write about and photography allows me to show and share with others. Thinking back to my childhood is it always wanted to do, I just didn’t understand it so well. When I played house with my cousins I was always a writer. It was just what fell out of my mouth. This has always been my pattern. When I know what I want I never have to think about it. I just say it. It now makes perfect sense.
Being thirty-three I feel like I have finally grown into my adult skin. I know myself better than ever and feel like the work of figuring out my path is over. I am ready to spend all of my time moving myself forward. It is a time for peace and joy. Joy in every day in any way is what I am striving for.
It is with this new attitude I have returned to my writing without the doubts of previous years (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2014/04/for-my-blogs-3rd-birthday.html). I have also changed my past pattern of loathing myself on the days I cannot accomplish as much as I want to when my chronic migraines are around. Although when I experience this I find myself with an undeniable surge of energy that wants nothing more to have the satisfaction that comes with hitting the “publish” button. It has become such apart of who I am. It is one of my favorite things to do in life.
On the days that I do more and better than I expect, I will be pleased but no longer surprised. My inner confidence is here to stay. I can trust myself again, deeper and stronger. This inner sturdiness is so comforting. I know I will live to get back on the horse again and write until there are no words left.
As I take a moment to reflect back, instead of on the future, I am sometimes in awe of myself. That is I can’t believe I actually ever created a blog. I made something just for myself to exercise a passion and life long desires. I am always reading about people who break away from their current life and begin a new existence. It is a quality I admire. I had to remind myself that I too have already taken that first step.
I know I will do more than ever before and this year will be the greatest I have had so far. I am so confident now that I can say that even though I have no plans made, just desires that I know will drive my dedication along with my location.
I never did send myself that Edible Arrangement basket. Looking ahead I see that the modern version of the fifth year anniversary gift is silver. I already have a silver necklace that says, “Write”. I have been ready for this moment for quite a while.