I can hardly believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It comes faster and faster each year now. I know I am one of those people now. The years are starting to fly by and I remember when just about every kid I know was born. Those years too have flown by.
This year I am taken with the extreme stress the fast approaching holiday brings. You see I have a tendency to overdo things on the holidays. The bigger the holiday the more food I want to prepare, the better gifts I want to give, until it is ultimately too much (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2013_01_01_archive.html). Trying to balance this self-imposed pressure on top of work, blogging, and my chronic migraine condition almost never works out. What usually gives in is my head after I have pushed it so far past its breaking point that I cannot function for weeks afterward. All of this in the name of family and tradition, or so I tell myself.
What I hate most about the rushing of the impending holiday season is that it seems to sneak up on me and then I am so busy preparing I can’t even take a minute to enjoy it. Before I know it the family descends upon my house and then there are two long days that don’t always feel like celebrations when we are so busy (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2014/01/for-rockin-around-christmas-tree.html). And this is my favorite holiday, after my birthday and Election Day.
This year I have been really working hard on changing this. After all if I ruin the season for myself what is the point of any of the material things?
This year I am not cooking a thing. I haven’t in the last few months. I feel guilty about it but then I realized why does all of this holly jolly cheer only good for the week of Christmas? Why can’t I shop and cook throughout the year to let loved ones know they are dear to me?
It turns out I can.
So this year I am taking the time out to truly think about the reasons behind the seasons and feel the joy associated with them. I am thinking about the people I will see and the memories we will create. I am counting my blessings and the gratefulness I have for the health and happiness of my many friends and family members. I am acknowledging, out loud and in print that I am lucky to be loved and to have people to shower with love.
I am over the deadline and the panic I get when I realize I won’t be done writing, shopping, or celebrating in time for a specific date. Dates are only important when you have to be forced into caring. I do not have that problem. I think the reason I always have these stressful weeks is because I know that I want to give more than I get and there is never enough time or money to show what’s in my heart. This Christmas I am going to finally learn from my own history and let the celebrations continue into and throughout the New Year.
I am going to focus on each day as it comes so that I am sure to live in the moment not missing a thing. I am going to listen to Christmas music whenever I am in the mood no matter the weather outside.
I am not going to allow myself to be overwhelmed when things do not go perfectly. I am not going to let the chaos around me affect me. I am not going to be jealous of those who are off and able to commit themselves fully to the holiday like I wish I could.
Instead I am going to let the Holly Jolly Christmas I dream of live in my heart and show up on my timetable. I am going to treasure the cool yet pleasant winter we are having in New York City right now. I am going to memorize what it feels like to be writing in my dining room on a table decked out with the with place settings and decorations from my travels with my favorite coffee in my favorite Christmas cup. I will forever want to be watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” by the light of only my Christmas tree. I will never get sick of watching my tree spin round and round as I see my past and present on display as I dream of my future. I will immediately start to think of this time next year when the weather changes and all of my favorite holiday activities come back to town (http://thequeenoff-ckingeverything.blogspot.com/2013/01/for-most-wonderful-time-of-year.html).
I will look through photos of all of the Christmas trees and decorations I have seen in the cities that are like my home away from home. I will smile as I think of those that are still to be added to my collection.
It is with these new pleasant thoughts I am now very much looking forward to tomorrow. I will be pulling out my red sweater and my grandmother’s pin that I always wear. With that I will feel closer to her and the reasons I love this holiday in the first place. Some things don’t ever change thank goodness.
I hope you all have yourselves a “Merry little Christmas now.”